Wee Nikki Eff

For six, maybe even eight years now, I've had a mysterious internet phenomenon where people appear on my msn. Many of them don't even add me, although some do, but they talk none the less. They all want to know who I am, why I added them. When I explain that I didn't add them, things become confused. Sometimes I just let these opportunities die on the vine, but sometimes I don't. The final mystery is this: each in their own way, appear to have the mental capacity of a tomato and lettuce sandwhich.

Here is one such account.

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
hoos this ?

K says:
Kyle

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
snd

K says:
how did you get my email?

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
dont huva cloo, a dont add cunts a dont no

K says:
me neither
all those cunts

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
wit?

K says:
did I just appear on your msn? These seems like trickery
are you tricking me?

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
wit, naw am no!

K says:
well then what's happened here?
are you from some sort of chat site?

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
how th fuk am a menty kno
naw am fukin no, hoo yi getin cheeky wai

K says:
maybe it's fate then?
maybe we were fated to talk on msn

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
aye right watever

K says:
maybe it's god
do you believe in god?

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
aye ciz a wid believe in got yi kno

K says:
have you heard of the tower of babel?

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
wtf is that ?

K says:
it's a story in the bible
you see once upon a time we all spoke the same language, and there was a tower, and everyone hung out in the tower
it was pretty fun, ya know?
well, god wanted everyone to build the tower taller
"taller" he'd say. And so they built it taller
and taller
and taller
until finally it was really tall, tall enough most anyone would say
but god looked down and said "build it taller still" and everyone was like, "that's just silly"
so they didn't build it any taller
God, angry guy he was, knocked it down
and it was so tall that when it fell everyone fell out of it all over the world
and when they landed they all bumped their heads really hard

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
aye ok watever ya fukin creep

K says:
on account of the heights see
and when they woke up everyone spoke a different language.

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
ryt

K says:
this story came to my head talking to you
because you see, I don't understand nearly a word you type to me

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
snd

K says:
exactly\
it's like two different languages
but I guess the tower of babel explains all that

wee-nikki-eff@hotmail.com says:
snd m8, fuk off

K says:
ahmen

I urge any and all of you to add wee nikki to your instant messaging machines. She is charming.