There are monsters

Growing up, when I wasn't at chess club (Wednesday lunch hour!), I was reading about monsters. When the other kids were doing reports on lions and gazelles, I was holding up pictures of plaster castes of what might be bigfoot's foot for the whole class to see. (If you are looking for a good young adult novel (fiction) about the Loch Ness monster let me recommend my favorite.
I don't want to ruin anything for you, but it turns out that the Loch Ness monster is actually good and it's the people who are bad. What a twist! I have read this book over a dozen times.)

Much like the plucky tween protagonist in 'Loch', I have continued to search for the unknown even though my parents tell me I'm a day dreamer and an extravagently rich man has repeatedly told me not to go 'snooping my nose' into his business, which happens to be the transportation of large exotic sea creatures.

That's why I am hardly shocked, (but very shocked) by the new species I discovered in my cupboard.
Despite specifically asking to be pointed towards the onions at the grocery store, I was apparently directed towards monster eggs. My saving grace was that they came pre-captured-in-a-net. Otherwise these would probably be digging around in my brain via my nose right now. I've done a bit of digging around myself, and I think I've located the babydaddy. You ARE the father!

Instead of destroying the things for the good of humanity, I've decided to try and nurture the little onions and become imprinted as their mother figure. I consider the eventual control for a trio of tentacle-faced demon spawn to be one of the soundest investments into my future I could hope to make, save of course for mutual funds.